My relationship with mirrors has been a real rollercoaster over the past year and half or so. Don't get me wrong, I can still absolutely rip my reflection to metaphorical shreds on a bad day. But more often I find myself passing by the mirror and liking what I see more than I ever have before.
We're in a better place now, me and reflective surfaces.
Comic, 12 panels Panel 1: Pre-transition Robin looking in the mirror. Captions "I used to feel nothing when I looked in the mirror. Not good. Not Bad. Not even "fine" Panel 2: Past Robin's reflection, with no eyes, and cast in shadow. Captions "I was apathetic. I think I had to be." Panel 3: A large iceberg viewed from above and below the surface of an ocean. Above the water it is light blue and average-looking, hidden beneath the blue gives way to the alternating pink, white and blue of the trans pride flag. Captions "I think I had a feeling that if I thought about it too hard-- I would find a much deeper problem." Panel 4: A mirror with pre transition Robin after admitting to her own transness. She is gripping her head and shirt in distress, eyes wide at the sight of herself. Stubble dots her face and arms. Captions "When I inevitably did find that deeper problem-- Mirrors quickly became terrible for me. I knew that I didn't like myself. I knew why." Panel 5: Severly cracked panels holding bits of Robin, exaggerated in intensity, brows and hairline, nose and stubbled lip, stubble arms. Captions: "And I could see it-- in every inch-- of my reflection." Panel 6: Robin's fingers digging into a stubbled arm. Captions: "If I looked too long, I started to feel trapped in my skin." Panel 7: Female Robin, face indistinct, reaching toward the screen. Captions "Shortly after I started HRT, I had a dream that stuck with me. I looked in the mirror and saw myself as a woman. That part was hardly unique. I'd done that before. (Kind of a lot.)" Panel 8: Bottles of medication, labels indistinct and unreadable. Captions "But in those older dreams it was always that I woke up that way, or something magic had happened. In this dream, I know that this was because I had transitioned, and it had worked. Panel 9: Dream Robin smiling. Captions "I don't remember exactly what I looked like. But I do remember that in that moment, I was happy to see myself." Panel 10: Past Robin waking up in bed. Captions "At the time, it was just a nice little confirmation that I was on the right track. That, deep down, I truly did want to do this." Panel 11: Present Robin, over year into transition, looking toward the screen in surprise. Caption "The thing I somehow didn't expect was that only a year later-" Panel 12: Robin looking the mirror, smiling. Caption "I'd start having the same moment while I'm awake."
